2019 National Flash Fiction Day

Competition Winners

 

ADULT

FIRST

The Boat People by Jeff Taylor, Hamilton

SECOND

Over the Fields from Ballyturin House, 1921 by Rose Collins, Canterbury

THIRD

T Is For Tiger by Tim Saunders, Palmerston North

 

Highly Commended

The Beautiful Thing by Anna Granger, Whanganui

The Museum of Curiosities and Natural History by Heather McQuillan, Christchurch

The sound a horse makes when it comes to drink at night by Wanda Barker, Raglan

The Visitors by Anna Granger, Whanganui

 

Commended

Breadcrumbs by Tom Adams, Wellington

Moving To Town by Tim Saunders, Palmerston North

Not a Vegetarian by Elena de Roo, Auckland

Separated from That Which Cannot Be Separated by Craig Foltz, Auckland

Washing-up by Leeanne O’Brien, Auckland

 

REGIONAL AWARDS

Sponsored by New Zealand Society of Authors regional branches

AUCKLAND – Leeanne O’Brien

CANTERBURY – Rose Collins

CENTRAL DISTRICTS – Tim Saunders

HAMILTON – Jeff Taylor

NORTHLAND – Michael Botur

OTAGO – Pam Morrison

WELLINGTON – Tom Adams

 

* * *

 

YOUTH

FIRST

Gummy Bears by Hannah Daniell, Year 11, Cashmere High School, Christchurch

SECOND

Funeral hymn for a lost toy by Cybella Maffitt, Year 13, St. Cuthbert’s College, Auckland

THIRD

Five rules for liking girls when you are young and prone to heartbreak by Cybella Maffitt, Year 13, St. Cuthbert’s College, Auckland

 

Highly Commended

No Need by Hannah Daniell, Year 11, Cashmere High School, Christchurch

Noisy Silence by Maia Ingoe, Gisborne, Year 13, Gisborne Girls’ High School, Gisborne

Taking Shape by Alice Hoerara-Hunt, Ss Peter and Paul School, Lower Hutt

 

Commended

Cleaning Clouds by Zoe Congalton, Year 9, Havelock North High School, Hawkes Bay

I Hope the Others Sang by Derrin Smith, Year 11, Ao Tawhiti Unlimited Discovery, Christchurch

Il faut laisser aller le monde comme il va by by Cybella Maffitt, Year 13, St. Cuthbert’s College, Auckland

Psycho Steve by Simon Brown, Victoria University, Wellington

 

Short List

Art is Dead by Lily Deuchars, Hagley College, Christchurch

The Last Voyage by Sarah-Kate Simons, Year 10, home school, Southbridge, Canterbury,

Youth by Phoebe Robertson, Year 13, Katikati College, Bay Of Plenty

*

 

THE LONG LISTS

2019 NFFD ADULT LONG LIST

(alphabetical by title)

Blue Heron. Spirit Level. by Amy Paulussen, Christchurch

Breadcrumbs by Tom Adams, Wellington

Cold Marrow by Paula Clare King, Manawatu

Counting on Life by Pam Morrison, Dunedin

Devil Wind by Amanda Barusch, Dunedin

Dunedin by Toni Wi, Wellington

Finding my husband in the woods by Rose Collins, Whakaraupo, Canterbury

Friends by Keith Nunes, Lake Rotoma

Gratitude by Tim Saunders, Palmerston North

Grit by Tracie Lark, Whangarei, Northland

Hollow by Jenna Heller, Christchurch

Honesty by Jo Vernon, Auckland

How to Grow a Jerusalem Artichoke by Hamish Ansley, Hamilton

Ice cream by Susan Cheer, Dunedin

Impressions on the Ward by Marrie Daniels

In his Image by Christine Cloughley, Tauranga

It might be that you watched everything from a long way off by Trisha Hanifin, Auckland

Jellyfish by Eileen Merriman, Auckland

Mount Alpha by Jac Jenkins, Kohukohu, North Hokianga

Moving To Town by Tim Saunders, Palmerston North

Not a Vegetarian by Elena de Roo, Auckland

Over the Fields from Ballyturin House, 1921 by Rose Collins, Whakaraupo, Canterbury

Separated from That Which Cannot Be Separated by Craig Foltz

Shot For The Choc by Michael Botur, Whangarei

T Is For Tiger by Tim Saunders, Palmerston North

Tammy Wynette at the Esplanade Hotel, Devonport by VRL Thonger, Kerikeri

Taxing the Nightingales by Norman P. Franke, Hamilton

The Beautiful Thing by Anna Granger, Whanganui

The Boat People by Jeff Taylor, Hamilton

The Island & The Prairie by Elizabeth Ho, Auckland

The Museum of Curiosities and Natural History by Heather McQuillan, Christchurch

The Racehorse by Anna Granger, Whanganui

The sound a horse makes when it comes to drink at night by Wanda Barker, Raglan

The Visitors by Anna Granger, Whanganui

The woman who dreamed she kidnapped children by Trisha Hanifin, Auckland

Use three-dimensional characters by Jac Jenkins, Kohukohu, Northland

Walk away, very carefully, in a straight line by Trisha Hanifin, Auckland

War Child by Heather McQuillan, Christchurch

Washing-up by Leeanne O’Brien, Auckland

*

2019 NFFD YOUTH LONG LIST

(alphabetical by title)

Art is Dead by Lily Deuchars, Hagley College, Christchurch

Cassie and Lucas’ Pact by Jasmine Ryan, Year 12, Ellesmere College, Selwyn, Canterbury

Cleaning Clouds by Zoe Congalton, Year 9, Havelock North High School, Hawke’s Bay

Five rules for liking girls when you are young and prone to heartbreak by Cybella Maffitt, Year 13, St. Cuthbert’s College, Auckland

Funeral hymn for a lost toy by Cybella Maffitt, Year 13, St. Cuthbert’s College, Auckland

Gummy Bears by Hannah Daniell, Year 11, Cashmere High School, Christchurch

I Hope the Others Sang by Derrin Smith, Year 11, Ao Tawhiti Unlimited Discovery, Christchurch

Il faut laisser aller le monde comme il va by Cybella Maffitt, Year 13, St. Cuthbert’s College, Auckland

Illusory by Shima Jack, Year 10, Logan Park High School, Dunedin

No Need by Hannah Daniell, Year 11, Cashmere High School, Christchurch

Noisy Silence by Maia Ingoe, Gisborne, Year 13, Gisborne Girls’ High School

Psycho Steve by Simon Brown, Victoria University, Wellington

Run by Monica Koster, Year 12, Riccarton High School, Christchurch

Taking Shape by Alice Hoerara-Hunt, Year 7, Ss Peter Paul School, Lower Hutt

Tasty Things by Jordan Payne, Hagley College, Christchurch

Ten Went Before Nine by Derrin Smith, Year 11, Ao Tawhiti Unlimited Discovery, Canterbury

The Flower Bed by Oliver Kirke, Timaru, Year 8, Grantlea Downs School, Christchurch

The Last Voyage by Sarah-Kate Simons, Southbridge, Canterbury, Year 10, home school, Christchurch

The Man in the Window by Zoe Congalton, Year 9, Havelock North High School, Hawke’s Bay

The Minute by Chloe Morrison-Clarke, Year 8, Casebrook Intermediate School, Christchurch

Tones of Blue by Chloe Morrison-Clarke, Year 8, Casebrook Intermediate School, Christchurch

Waiting by Rebecca Wilkins, Year 10, Northcote College, Auckland

What Charlie Left by Simon Brown, Victoria University, Wellington

Youth by Phoebe Robertson, Year 13, Katikati College, Bay Of Plenty

 

*

The 2018 winners:

ADULT

1st  

He She It They – Anita Arlov, Auckland

2nd  

The Lanterns – Anna Granger, Whanganui, Central Districts

3rd  

Thud-Thud-Thud – Semira Davis, Porirua, Wellington

 

Highly Commended

Flight – Catherine Trundle, Wellington

The Chef – Jill Varani, Auckland

You Too – Catherine Trundle, Wellington

Short List

Bivouac – Andrea Ewing, Auckland

Ming the Other – Anita Arlov, Auckland

Never Taken Photograph – Semira Davis, Wellington

Pufferfish – Sue Kingham, Christchurch

The Hollow – Anna Granger, Whanganui, Central Districts

White Lies – Vivian Thonger, Northland

*

 

REGIONAL AWARDS

Sponsored by New Zealand Society of Authors regional branched

AUCKLAND – Anita Arlov

CANTERBURY – Sue Kingham

OTAGO – Robyn Pickens

WELLINGTON – Semira Davis

CENTRAL DISTRICTS – Anna Granger

NORTHLAND – Vivian Thonger

*

YOUTH

 

1st

Tinder – Jana Heise, Northland

2nd

 Pooh Sticks – Russell Boey, Christchurch

3rd

Free Fall — Emma Uren, Auckland 

 

Highly Commended

Green – Jana Heise, Northland

Commended

 I Own a Dog – Asha Clark, Tauranga

Short List

189 – Gilles Bullinga, Huia, Auckland

Clean Shaven – Beth Cooper

Lines – Joy Tong, Auckland

Muesli – Alice Houston-Page, Dunedin

Outsider – Simon Brown , Christchurch

Smoko – Maia Ingoe, Gisborne

The Gift – Lola Elvy, Northland

All winning stories will be published in the special NFFD issue of Flash Frontier: An Adventure in Short Fiction – watch for it next month!

 

*

JUDGES’ REPORTS

2018 NFFD Judges’ report (adult competition)

Tracey Slaughter and Sue Wootton

We were pretty much blown away by the overall quality of the work we read. It was as if we’d each been presented with a huge bouquet of tightly budded flowers, only to find that every single bud rewarded attention with a unique unfolding into its own vivid bloom. This made the initial reading process a rich and varied experience but set a high bar for selecting the much smaller bouquets we were after.

We each read all the entries three times before we began to discuss our impressions. It was with some nervousness that we first swapped notes. What if we each loathed what the other loved? We needn’t have worried – to our mutual happiness we found that our lists shared a very high degree of correlation. Still, there was more trimming to be done before we could confidently say we had our long list, and so began the rigour of rereading and debate. The stories that survived this process make up the wonderful bouquet that is the long list. Congratulations to all these writers. Your work called to us, reached us, moved us. In one way or another, it did what we were looking for, utilising (to use Tracey’s words) “flash fiction’s capacity to lace prose with sound-awareness, spike the lyric with narrative angles, [and] blend lush imagery with tight directional story.”

From there to the short list – an exquisite bouquet if ever there was one. Throughout the reading process, these were the stories that continued to hold our attention. Their subjects,  themes and styles are all very different, but each is somehow palpable, and is written with exceptional attention to detail and craft. These stories compelled us to experience their worlds on their own terms, through the story’s own perspective and voice. Some of these stories have moments of flashpoint intensity, some are luminous, some heart-wrenching and some heart-warming. The stories on the shortlist offer nothing less than life distilled, life intensified – no mean feat in only 300 words.

Judging ‘blind’ as we were, we did not know the identities of any of the authors until we read them on the NFFD website, at which point it transpired that 8 writers had written the 12 stories in our shortlist bouquet. Our congratulations on their fine work to Andrea Ewing, Anita Arlov, Semira Davis, Sue Kingham, Jill Varani, Anna Granger, Vivian Thonger and Catherine Trundle.

Our three placegetters are three stories that we had both selected among our top favourites right at the beginning of the reading process: three gorgeous blooms that for us are ‘best in show’.

Third place goes to Thud thud thud by Semira Davis. This seemed to have it all going on, from the first reading. Vivid lively concrete details, binding the senses into a distinct kiwi scene. Moves to a very clever, controlled understated close, which leaves the reader having to join the dots from the subtle cues and language use sprinkled throughout – and returns to echo the title extremely skilfully.

Second place is awarded to The Lanterns by Anna Granger, a story that just seemed to have a halo around it, to be somehow bathed in its own lovely glow. Not a word wasted or out of place, and so fluently put together. Great pacing, and an expertly delivered ending. It’s quiet, it’s gentle, and it has a classic quality to it: a story about the richness that becomes evident only through endurance, patience, loyalty.

First place goes to an entry that both of us (each unbeknown to the other) fell in love with at first read, and remained in love with throughout the entire judging process: HE SHE IT THEY  by Anita Arlov.

TS: This one stood out instantly from the point of my initial reading, and while I became aware of the merits of many others from further reading, nothing else has really struck me with the excitement that this piece did. Its highly inventive language, its syncopated and tense sentences, its shifting unexpected images and the electricity it creates between them, both to sound and sense, deeply impressed. I love it for its dazzling sharp language, its stunning tempo and originality.

SW: This piece was an instant yes for me. I immediately felt I was in safe hands, being led somewhere different by someone in complete control of their craft. It sustains a sophisticated level of language play without ever dropping the ball or even threatening to drop the ball. It’s gorgeously paced, is rich on the tongue and in the ear. It just made me sit up and pay attention from the get-go, and still does.

*

2018 NFFD Judges’ report (youth competition)

Tim Jones and Patrick Pink

General Comments

Tim Jones: Reading and assessing these stories was both a pleasure, and slightly alarming. A pleasure, because the standard of so many of the entries was very high – and slightly alarming, because the top entrants are so far in advance of where I was as a writer by age 18.

That high standard meant that it was not easy to pick either the longlist, or the 12 shortlisted stories, while deciding which entries would be placed required detailed analysis and frequent re-reading.

But that said, Patrick and I were in close agreement over the final placings.

Patrick Pink: The five chosen stories are well-crafted within the confines of the flash fiction form.  The editing allows for clarity without sacrificing emotion or the rhythm of the language. Each have a sense of drama that immediately hooked me from the beginning, made me want to continue to read to discover more and ended with a line or an image that lingered in the mind well after reading.  All of the writers use vivid imagery effectively to illustrate their work and to strike a poignant chord that is balanced and controlled and speaks to the heart.

Qualities We Looked For

If a story had most or all of these factors, it stayed in the mix as our lists grew shorter:

• Great word choices: With only 300 words plus a title to play with, every word has to be carefully chosen – and it has to work well with every other word chosen.
• Existence of a narrative: Prose poetry or small fictions: there are more similarities than differences. But there is one crucial difference: a prose poem can be static, though it doesn’t have to be. But in fiction, something needs to happen, whether it’s an external event or an internal sequence of thoughts. There needs to be narrative.
• Effective narrative concept and structure: Not all stories have a clearly delineated beginning, middle and end. But whatever structure the author has chosen, it needs to work.
• Successful and satisfying ending: A number of the stories we read had a beginning that really hooked our attention and a middle that built on that hook in intriguing ways – but then petered out at the end, sometimes by stopping in mid-narrative, and sometimes by including an ending that didn’t answer whatever narrative question the story had posed. Great endings can be very simple – but they need to be present.
• Effective and appropriate use of source material: Some stories drew on historical or literary source material. That’s absolutely fine, and several such stories made our shortlist. But to proceed any further, stories had to draw on such material for fresh fictional purposes – not just repeat it.
• Evidence of thorough editing and revision: We were very sorry to say goodbye during the judging process to a few stories that passed all or most of the tests above, but just hadn’t been edited carefully enough. With one or more two drafts, they could have been real contenders – but things like apparently unintended changes of tense in the middle of the story, or excessive repetition of certain words and phrases, let them down. The good news is that, with a little more attention to detail, these stories could be much stronger contenders in future!

We grew increasingly convinced that the winning story would be that which best combined a clear and intelligent concept, excellent narrative development in a small space, and great word choices. This proved to be the case.

Commended: I Own a Dog

TJ: This story demonstrates how effective an extended metaphor can be in short fiction as well as poetry. Every element of the story rotates around the metaphor of the ‘black dog’, and the linguistic as well as psychological implications of bringing it to heel.

PP: The story showcases the use of a single metaphor to relate the a moving story.  It is the journey of narrator from being actually intimidated and owned by ‘the dog’ to finding the inner strength and external guidance for tame it one day at a time.  A powerful story told in a creative manner.

Highly Commended: Green

TJ: The great strengths of this story are the power of its imagery and the space left in the narrative – all the clues for what has happened and is happening are present, but the reader has to do just the right amount of work to figure them out. A fine story about the pleasures and costs of love.

PP: Memorable imagery is scattered throughout the story as the narrator recalls those particular moments of connection and communication between two young people in love and the bittersweet remembrance of what was and what has been lost.  A piece that is worth multiple readings.

3rd place: Free Fall

TJ: In this story, the authorial camera swoops around in the storm, outside and inside an aeroplane, outside and inside the mind of its panic-stricken occupant. The use of omniscient viewpoint can sometimes make characters and action feel detached from the reader – but not here.

PP: Imagery and the rhythm of language resonate while reading the story.  The reader is immediately drawn into the drama from the onset as the themes of insignificance and impermance of all living creatures (bird and man) are contrasted with Max’s heroic efforts to remain aloft and alive despite the high probability of destruction. It’s the struggle that matters. The suspense increases with each paragraph. Through the use of rich sensory imagery, the reader feels Max’s resistance to the inevitable, “even if his fingernails and his hair follicles hum the truth”. The flashback to childhood and its illusions of safer times on the earth and near the sea gives the reader a brief respite from the tension and provides insight into Max and makes him real and relatable and his fall moving to the point of significance.

2nd place: Pooh Sticks

TJ: Grief added to nostalgia can be a very difficult mixture for a writer: the risk is that the story will bog down in sentiment. ‘Pooh Sticks’ adds to the degree of difficulty by drawing much of its emotional resonance from a famous and much-beloved literary predecessor, yet pulls the whole thing off by means of a high degree of writerly control, and the gradual revelation that, far from being merely a sepia-tinted paean to childhood icons, this story has a sting in its tail.

PP: The themes of memory, loss and the end of boyhood and all of its magic and mysteries make this story one that lingers in my heart and mind.  The use of the imagery of the game and the camaraderie of the two friends in the woods shows the reader the inevitable changes that boys encounter as they grow into men and the loss of innocence, wonder and play for rationality, responsibility and reality.  The ending is subtly foreshadowed but still devlivers a gut-punch when the reader finishes the story.

1st place: Tinder

TJ: This story is where all the elements are in harmony. A deceptively full narrative is packed into the Elizabeth May, yet the deployment of imagery in such a tight space would delight any poet. The story’s historical precedents are transmuted into something new, yet familiar to those of us raised on tales of Antarctic exploration. As the ship carries human warmth into the cold south, the implications of the title grow increasingly ominous, until they are realised in a stunning ending that balances love and pain with sheer necessity. A wonderful piece of flash fiction.

PP: The story evokes a a sense of adventure, risk, danger and the safety of a temporary home that cradles the characters as they sail from the familiar.  The Elizabeth May is alive to these people which makes her ultimate sacrifice and their anguished decision even more potent to the reader.  The language is sparse but compelling; the cadence of the short sentences and phrases give the impression of the abrupt rise and fall of the waves in an endless ocean as they slap and buffet the sides of the ship.  The imagery of bleakness and stark contrasts (white and black, bullet and bone) heightens the drama and the suspense as the travellers and their ship are confronted with uncertainty.

---

2018 National Flash Fiction Day Long Lists
Adult – Youth

Congratulations to the writers of our long listed stories in the adult and youth categories.

Adult

After You Had Gone – Rose Collins, Christchurch
Bivouac – Andrea Ewing, Auckland
Black Cat – Patricia Hanifin, Auckland
Boxing the Fox – Kate Mahony, Wellington
Can I See? – Bethany Rogers, Queenstown, Otago
Country Living – Sarndra Smith, Dunedin
Driving to Pakistan – Maggie Rainey-Smith, Wellington
Farm Holiday – Gay Buckingham, Dunedin
Flight – Catherine Trundle, Wellington
From His Eyes – Dana Christiansen, Lawrence, Otago
Going Going Gone – Anna Mackenzie, Hastings, Hawkes Bay
Gulls – Isabelle McNeur, Wellington
He She It They – Anita Arlov, Auckland
He’ll Be One of the Ones That Make It Home – Liz Breslin, Dunedin
Hooks and Sinkers – Becky Manawatu, Waimangaroa, Buller
In the Field – Linda Collins, Kakanui, North Otago
Karajan – Robyn Pickens, Dunedin, Otago
Lawrie Shrapnel – Jan FitzGerald, Napier, Hawkes Bay
Layers of Dust – Gretchen Carroll, Auckland
Lovely Clear Line – Michael Botur, Whangarei, Northland
Magpie – Kim Beatrice, Pahiatua, Central Districts
Mine – Anne Hollier Ruddy, Auckland
Ming the Other – Anita Arlov, Auckland
Mothers of Miners – Heather McQuillan, Christchurch
Never Taken Photograph – Semira Davis, Porirua, Wellington
Old Friends – Himali McInnes, Auckland
Pufferfish – Sue Kingham, Christchurch
Short Talk on Cezanne, Switzerland and Lemonade – Michael Harlow, Alexandra, Otago
Stepdad Stan – Michael Botur, Whangarei, Northland
Storm – Jan FitzGerald, Napier, Hawkes Bay
Tea, Rice, Rubbish Bags – Harry Watson, Masterton, Wairarapa
The Bestest Prizes – Michael Botur, Whangarei, Northland
The Chef – Jill Varani, Auckland
The End of Summer – Annette Edwards-Hill, Wellington
The Hollow – Anna Granger, Whanganui, Central Districts
The Lanterns – Anna Granger, Whanganui, Central Districts
The Tat – Tim Saunders, Palmerston North, Central Districts
Thud-Thud-Thud – Semira Davis, Porirua, Wellington
Uncontainable – Phoebe Wright, Christchurch
White Lies – Vivian Thonger, Kerikeri, Northland
Yolk Folk – Zoë Meager, Christchurch
You Too – Catherine Trundle, Wellington

Youth

189 – Gilles Bullinga, Huia, Auckland
A Petal on a Pebble – Pattarintorn Jusakul, Auckland
Ashes of Tradition – Gilles Bullinga, Huia, Auckland
Bones Shouldn’t Speak – Derrin Smith, Christchurch
Clean Shaven – Beth Cooper, Wellington
Free Fall – Emma Uren, Auckland
Green – Jana Heise, Northland
I Own a Dog – Asha Clark, Tauranga
Lines – Joy Tong, Auckland
Living in a Fairytale – Emma Uren, Auckland
Maka’s Secret – Oli K
Muesli – Alice Houston-Page, Dunedin
Outsider – Simon Brown, Christchurch
Pooh Sticks – Russell Boey, Christchurch
Raining People – Emma Uren, Auckland
Smoko – Maia Ingoe, Gisborne
Snowflakes Are Like People – Simon Brown, Christchurch
Suns – Lola Elvy, Northland
The Gift – Lola Elvy, Northland
The Grand Piano – Suzy Nielsen
The Weather Between Us – Jana Heise, Northland
Three’s a Crowd — Brianna Aarts, Christchurch
Tinder – Jana Heise, Northland
To Keep Tight and Tucked in, Warm – Lola Elvy
When the First Man Falls – Gilles Bullinga, Huia, Auckland

---

Congratulations to the 2017 winners!

Prizegiving took place at the June 22 NFFD events in Auckland, Dunedin, Christchurch and Wellington.

Here are last year’s winners (with judges’ comments):

ADULT

FIRST

Gunshots Are Too Common by Patrick Pink, Auckland

Regional Prize, Auckland

SECOND

When Winter Comes by Rachel Smith, Christchurch

Regional Prize, Canterbury

THIRD

It won’t happen again by Shani Naylor, Wellington

Regional Prize, Wellington

*

HIGHLY COMMENDED

Birdman in Aotea Square by Anita Arlov, Auckland

Kinaesthesia by Allan Drew, Auckland

Shipboard Romance by Fiona Lincoln, Lower Hutt

Spindrift by Janis Freegard, Wellington

The Math of Me by Jessica Thompson, Dunedin — Regional Prize, Otago

*

COMMENDED

Peace and Quiet by Derek Jones, Auckland

Scar Tissue by Nikki Crutchley, Hamilton — Regional Prize, Hamilton

Scout by Robyn Maree Pickens, Dunedin

The Chlorinated Mermaid by Nikki Crutchley, Hamilton

Three Dresses by Jessie Puru, Auckland

*

YOUTH

FIRST

The Cold by Joy Tong, age 15, Auckland

SECOND

Dear Satan by Asha Clark, age 12, Tauranga

THIRD

The Brass Angels by Russell Boey, age 15, Christchurch

YOUTH MICRO AWARD

What Happens Next by Jacinta van der Linden, age 17, Kaitaia

*

VERY HIGHLY COMMENDED

Cake and Ice-cream by Jana Heise, age 12, Northland

Ode to Joy by Monica Koster, age 15, Christchurch

The Worry Troll Who Lives in my Head by Annick Laird, age 15, Northland

*

HIGHLY COMMENDED

Excuses by Joy Tong, age 15, Auckland

Interchange by Freya Kelly, age 12, Wellington

The Carnival by Dominic Botherway, age 10, Queenstown

*

NFFD COMPETITION ADULT CATEGORY JUDGES’ COMMENTS

 NFFD Judge’s Commentary: Emma Neale

The process:

I was very grateful that the organisers of the competition did the first filter on the 404 adult entries – a massive job. They whittled that number down to 105, and so Michael and I had the less daunting job of close-reading a much more digestible sample.

We agreed to decide on a long list of 26; we originally thought 25, but then like generous bakers we threw an extra one in … And when we presented each other with our separately selected 26,  a dozen agreed. I was pretty happy about that cross-over, until a glass-half-empty person in my family gasped, and said, ‘Oh no, not even half in agreement!!!’ Whoops. So Michael and I had to go back and read the stories the other judge had chosen, and decide which stories we could sacrifice on our own long lists, and which ones we’d fight for. I was ready for blood to be drawn; I was ready to leap off the dining table as if it were the springboard shield that Diana Prince uses in the latest Wonder Woman – and fling the telephone out the window – but as it turns out, there were no real battles. Michael is an astute, open-minded listener on-the-page – as you would hope from a psychoanalyst. We both conceded on certain points: sometimes it really does enrich the reading experience to have another person walk through the rooms of a story with you, so that you can see hiding places, trapdoors, or secret entrances that you might have unwittingly missed. So we read, and re-read, and debated a bit; and there was a flurry of phone calls, text messages, emails, answer-machine messages … all of which meant that I kept forgetting how long my youngest son had been watching Netflix, so he ended the weekend saying I was the Best Mother in the Multiverse. So I get a prize out of this too.

The stories:

Many of the pieces shimmered between prose poetry and ‘straight story’, because of the tight word limit, no doubt; but after reading more than 100, the pieces that really stood out were more than just prettified paragraphs: they had a strong sense of structural shape and control, as well as a command of descriptive language; they had a sharply sculpted sense of narrative perspective; they had a disarming wit, or a deep-probing sense of character; and they often deftly explored a major transition moment for the narrator, or the people observed by the speaker.

It became exhilarating to watch writers execute narrative manoeuvres in the tightly confined space. The comparison that seems most apt is watching someone flick-flack and flip on a trampoline. The writer needs power, grace, precision and a faultless landing right on the bullseye of the material to hand. The more I read, the more I thought how difficult it must be to have all these elements coordinated and so minutely timed, and so the more respect I have for the three winning pieces.

The stories that had the most impact for me were those that did use sensuous or sensual imagery, a compression that not only carried but even intensified emotion; the plot and sense of character not getting lost in ornate language – the author always remembering or building up the tension of the character’s predicatment.  A notable exception is the Highly Commended piece ‘Kinaesthesia’, which comes exquisitely close to poetry, and which makes the mind’s taste-buds ache the way an acid-drop overpowers the saliva glands…

I know many Generation Y audiences prefer content warnings before certain subjects are addressed in public. I often feel in two minds about this, because I think content warnings can destroy the artistic shape of a work of art; sapping a work of art of the forceful use of suspense and revelation. Content warnings often merge with spoiler alert.  Yet I think with a form as short as flash fiction, actually, if you talk about the story at all, you’re in danger of spoiler alert the moment you open your mouth. So although I’m reluctant to give content warnings on aesthetic grounds, I’m going to here, partly because everything’s a spoiler tonight – and partly because of the specific topics in the winning story – which can be particularly fraught.

So, the content warning is that our winning story deals with homophobia and suicide.

It does so with a moving delicacy and sympathy.

In ‘Gunshots are Too Common’, by Patrick Pink (Auckland), the sensitivity of observation about the immediate natural setting is used elegantly to foster our empathy for the main character, so the loss becomes potent for the reader, too. It’s a story of sexual desire, developing identity, betrayal and loss; and it becomes an excoriating indictment of the potential brutality and power dynamics in an all-male secondary school.

After we placed this story first, there were reiterations in the media about the recent OECD numbers ranking our youth suicide numbers in New Zealand as the worst in the developed world. These recent reports took me right back to this story with its monochrome crow brotherhood, the heart-breaking concern the victim expresses over who might find him – and given our national reluctance to talk about this subject directly in the media, for fear of copycat incidents, I felt doubly grateful that the author has made the imaginative and compassionate effort to enter the mind of the young protagonist, and the conditions that could provoke such a desperate decision. It seems to me that the flash fiction form here heightens the sense of waste, of brevity, of tragedy, in an adolescent child assuming there is no other way out of emotional pain. It is the sort of story you desperately hope will become historical: do you remember when single-sex schools used to be breeding grounds for homophobia? It’s hard to believe, now, isn’t it?

The story in second place, ‘When Winter Comes Again’, by Rachel Smith (Christchurch), is in admirably spare prose with cool drops of simile that convey both sensory experience and the nature of close but wounded family relationship. The way the father and daughter tip and tilt the caregiver role between them in the course of such a tightly contained piece is pscyhologically deeply astute. In many ways it’s a quiet and restrained piece; the inversion of roles towards the end is done both with an aching lightness of touch and a sense of emotion gathering and flaring up in the final metaphor that the daughter uses to soothe the bereft father; part of its impact being that it’s drawn from the labour of home-making they have to divide up anew in the aftermath of loss.

In third place is ‘It Won’t Happen Again’, by Shani Naylor (Wellington). The dexterous use of an inverse chronology, and the clever shorthand of time and time zone headings to pack as much into the allotted wordcount as possible, were what dazzled me here. The dislocation between hemispheres, the scramble of who finds out what when, also become a way of registering the shock ripple effect through a community, and the loose, wild, frightening element of chance in accidents and loss. It’s a dark, punchy capsule of a story that explores the effects of social media, ‘over-sharing’ and the breakdown of old fencelines around privacy, showing how rapidly and irrevocably some intimate betrayals can go public. The often staccato sentences and the relentless present tense in the backwards winding tale, seem to sharpen the violence of Max’s demise and the bitterness of our inability to perform the rewind that art does.

The winning stories know how to handle narrative suspense and the element of surprise, or emotional opening, that also still needs to dovetail credibly with the events or sensations that have shuttled us towards that revelation.

Regional Prize Otago: ‘The Math of Me’, Jessica Thompson –  Highly Commended

This entry travels family history, social history, close friendship and social or peer pressure, within the framing confines of a mother’s and daughter’s road trip, ending in a silence that could be either liberating or stifling. It leaves room for the reader’s discretion. The struggle to understand where personal identity sits in a family and nation still riven by cultural wounds is confronted overtly and yet still has a subtle sense of inwards-turned contemplation. It makes strong, revealing use of dialogue in a way that stood out from many other submissions.

NFFD Judge’s Commentary: Michael Harlow

General comments

Greetings and Kia Ora, on behalf of the National Flash Fiction Day team, who managed to come up with 105 flash/short form stories – out of an initial 400 or so submissions (!). With colleague-Judge, novelist, poet, and editor, Emma Neale we breathed at least a sigh of relief and got down to work.  We agreed on a working method, flexible enough, that called for lots of communication back and forth, making room for agreements and disagreements, which is also a way of challenging oneself in the critical eye and ear department. This kind of long-distance tandem is that kind of of critical dynamic that makes for an alert understanding one needs to do the job.  I particularly enjoyed working with Emma as a co-judge, for her very astute eye and well tuned ear – absolute requisites for being able to read not only at surface level, but at a deeper level. And she can be benignly robust in her advocacy – that’s good;  it makes for a good deal of confidence in the judging process.

As a reader, I was looking for and listening out for some kind of narrative-line (or ‘story line’) that would drive and carry the thoughtfulness of an idea forward to some kind of ending – even if the ending is left hanging in the air (or in a certain‘slant of light’, as Emily Dickinson would have it; and Cilla McQueen too).  And equally important, what is the language doing?  The language play – and one can ‘play’ very seriously indeed – that animates/breathes life into what the text is saying, however direct or indirect, keeping in mind that ‘indirection’ can yield (especially in the ‘flash’/short-form) that element of discovery that goes beyond useful but mere ‘invention’. The language has to do more than be decorative, even if charmingly decorative. The best stories here did that: they were texts/prose-poems/tone poems, straight prose micro narratives, the very best of which evinced a musical weave…  I was also most consciously listening for the musical effects of the language – this is vital in creating a tone of voice, which in this flash/short-form is instrumental as the carrier of feeling.

Sloshing about in over-the-top sentiment was and is a no-no…

By the time we arrived at a Short List, reading and re-reading and consulting, it was pretty clear to me that the overall standard and quality of these Short List stories (and some that were on the Long List as well) was very good indeed. There is something about this short form of fiction, with its inbuilt constraints, that exercises a kind of pressure on the imagination – to think about Words in the company of other words, and what they can discover in the act of writing.  The best stories here (including the Highly Commended and Commended stories), were those where you could see and hear the ‘ideas’emerging out of the word-thought being scrupulusly attended to.  And again the most accomplished of these stories, for the most part, tended to be angled toward the strangeness that is in the familiar, or slightly off-centre of the familiar…

The top stories

Here are extracts from my final reading notes.  The 3rd, 2nd, and 1st place stories.

‘It Won’t Happen Again’, by Shani Naylor (Wellington), 3rd place award.  A clever and highly accomplished structural use of Time and time-markers to weave a story worth telling.  Rather cinematic, I thought, using a series of (rather like) film-clips to develop a story-line that goes forward and backward and forward again. Very artful in this use of discrete-but-linked moments in time, one effect of which is to quickly engage the reader to join and follow through to the end. The prose is lucid and has a kind of reticence that suggests more is happening than apparent at the surface, and it produces a kind of air of mystery (however temporal). We see also some of the subversive effects of the rampant rush and downside of blog-and-public media. I was left with various feeling responses, and a sense of ironic wonderment at Max’s fate.

‘When Winter Comes Again’, by Rachel Smith (Christchurch), 2nd place award. A tone-poem with all the muted lyric clarity of prose that makes for such truly engaging reading.  It is a story about loss, and those wounded-in-spirit (as well as body in fact); and how to deal privately in a relationship (father and daughter) with loss, and grieving. This is writing that is also about tenderness – I think rather a neglected subject to come to grips with.  Of all the stories I read, this one is the most psychologically aware – the wounded father in spirit, and the wounded and consoling daughter. There are also some striking images in the service of a deeper story. And there is a kind of intimacy evoked that in its way is rather brilliant.

‘Gunshots are too common’, by Patrick Pink (Auckland), 1st place award.  Some very elegant writing about that profound moment of decisionmaking in one’s life; a truly existential crisis made visible in writing that deals so sensitively with homophobia and suicide.  Somewhere, the French writer Camus said, words to the effect, that suicide was the only and truly serious question one can ask or contemplate. The writer explores these two experiences in a prose that is so lucid, and I would say exquisitely figured, that makes this story quite a completely rendered tone poem. The use of the crow as an accompanying symbolic (that is to say deeply real) figure that signals a redemptive moment is quite brilliant. I didn’t hear a discordant or false note – a very complete, short-form story.

Highly Commended and Commended Stories 

Overall, the standard was quite high, and the quality of the writing generally first-rate.  In the selection process, a number of these stories continued jockeying for top slots.  Another time, another pair of adjudicating voices, and a number of these stories would likely join the top list.  I’ll only single out one story because it’s not only by far the shortest ‘story’, but because it is for me ‘out of, outside the box’, as they say.  Kinaesthesia, by Allan Drew (Auckland, Highly Commended).

A prose-poem of three rather longish lines (with that prose quality of the sentence chasing time) that manages to articulate more than is at first apparent, and in a small space.  I like its succinctness and its tenderness, and the moment of quiet surprise declared low-key; and its sensuousness.  A fine example of the poetry-that-is-in-prose.

*

2017 YOUTH JUDGE HEATHER MCQUILLAN COMPETITION COMMENTS

The youth competition in one word – variety!

Fleur and I read stories from ages 8 through to 18. From across that broad age range we read deeply personal stories, myth, murder and mayhem. We had talking rabbits, talking curtains and talking rivers. There were letters, diaries, prose poems and stories made up of sentence fragments, some of which may have been the result of deliberate author choice, others…. I was not so sure. Some common themes were death, loneliness, love, love and death, ice-cream and insurmountable – and at times unfathomable – terrors. Thankfully there were also stories that made us laugh – a complaint letter to Satan, battling vegetables, delightful sarcasm, and some surprising and clever last lines.

We read some stories that started well but suddenly stopped when the writer reached 300 words. Although some pieces were clearly first drafts they held great potential and I wished the writer had taken the time to redraft and polish. I hope they still will.  There were also many well-crafted and redrafted stories. Those shone out. They had crisp and interesting sentences, used words with intent and were structured to keep the reader reading and the ideas lingering.

All of this variety made the judging very hard. Reading is a subjective act and Fleur and I sometimes had opposite responses to the same piece. We decided to be generous in the long list. We sought to honour some of the younger writers. We wanted to recognise those who had taken risks and tried something fresh. We also wanted to acknowledge the craft and skill evident in other pieces. Sometimes fresh and skilful came together and these stories quickly made their way to top of the pile.

Reaching the short list was much harder and required some negotiation. We each had to let go of stories that would have made a personal list of favourites. I think it is very important for writers who are brave enough to submit for competitions to realise that a different set of eyes may see your work differently. For those who made the long list, please know that we saw something special in your work. Don’t discard it. Maybe leave it a short time and then come back to give it another redraft, a bit of a polish up and submit it again for another opportunity. Or write something new and short. Writing flash fiction is fun and so too is the redrafting; the attention to sentences, words and detail.  It can be like putting a tricky puzzle together. There is great satisfaction when it all works, for both writers and readers.

~~~

The 2017 NFFD Long Lists

ADULT

A long afternoon by the river by Annette Edwards-Hill, Wellington

A Machete, a Plastic Bag and Mum’s Gumboots by Caroline Barron, Auckland

Bird Man in Aotea Square by Anita Arlov, Auckland

Dorm by Tracey Slaughter, Cambridge

For an instant  by Mia Gaudin, Wellington

Gunshots are too common by Patrick Pink, Auckland

It won’t happen again by Shani Naylor, Wellington

Kineasthesia by Allan Drew, Auckland

Like Gods by Mia Gaudin, Wellington

Peace and Quiet by Derek Jones, Auckland

Scar Tissue by Nikki Crutchley, Cambridge

Scout by Robyn Maree Pickens, Dunedin

Secret Women’s Business by Margaret Moores, Auckland

Shipboard romance by Fiona Lincoln, Lower Hutt

Spindrift by Janis Freegard, Wellington

Surprise Peas by Janice Marriott, Auckland

The Chlorinated Mermaid by Nikki Crutchley, Cambridge

The Math of Me by Jessica Thompson, Dunedin

Three Dresses by Jessie Puru, Auckland

Uncle Hugh by Stephanie Mayne, Auckland

Unleashed by Bill Bradford, Auckland

We peaked by Keith Nunes, Rotorua

Wear the Pram Wheels Down to the Rim by Maris O’Rourke, Auckland

When Winter Comes by Rachel Smith, Christchurch

Yes by Phoebe Wright, Christchurch

~

YOUTH

All the Unseen Sky – Russell Boey

Ash – Shelby Allan

Beaten Simon Brown

Cake and Ice Cream – Jana Heise

Curtains – Simon Brown

Dear Satan… – Asha Clark

Drama Queen – Olivia Giffney

Energy – Gracie McKay-Simpson

Evolution – Derrin Smith

Excuses – Joy Tong

Genuine Smiles – Bree Miles

Helium – Alexandra Litherland

I heard a whisper – Sian Wilkinson

Imperfections – Joy Tong

In My Dreams – Elise Sadlier

Interchange – Freya Kelly

Lightning and Thunder – Tess Burgoyne

Mother – Anna Mapley

Mr Pop’s Ice Cream Parlour – Ella Mitchell

No Regrets – Grace Jeong

Nothing – Lucy Anderson

Ode to Joy – Monica Koster

Otori and the Tokusawa Demon – Shauntae Clince

Red-handed – Siena Thompson

Sana’a – Dannielle Bruce

Second Chances – Abigail Nartea

Tables Turned – Luc Botherway

The Art of Water Divination – Russell Boey

The Brass Angels – Russell Boey

The Carnival – Dominic Botherway

The Cold – Joy Tong

The Dream Blanket – Anna Featherstone-Wright

The Rising – Jack Unsworth

The Silent Hand – Simon Brown

The Worry Troll That Lives in a Cave in My Head – Annick Laird

Tornado – Emily-Rose Young

What Happens Next – Jacinta van der Linden

When it rains, it pours – Tegan Moffatt-Rooney

Wolf – Louise Rippin

~~~

The winning stories will be published in the special winter edition of  Flash Frontier: An Adventure in Short Fiction –– forthcoming July/August.